


Worlds Apart Part 2

by Hardrada



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Purple Prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26447458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hardrada/pseuds/Hardrada
Summary: The second and final part.  Jim's heart breaks before the reunion
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	Worlds Apart Part 2

There are so many people on Tumblr who have absolutely no idea how grateful I am that they love McKirk as much as I do. It keeps me sane in a mad mad world. So to those people I bow down in gratitude.

Worlds Apart 2

Jim hung around the shuttle bay because he didn’t really have anywhere else to go. It was expected that the mission wouldn’t be a long one, and he wanted to be there when Bones came back. _Sent him up there alone, you assholes_ he thought savagely watching the high-ups strutting about, smug and self-satisfied. _We’re meant to be together. He’s only up there because of me._

“Cadet Kirk, you really shouldn’t be down here”. He turned to see some unknown snot with a stripe gazing at him with as much contempt as he could muster. He simply gave his best smirk and turned back to gaze out at the ships assembled overhead. He reached out and put his hand against the thick glass separating them from space. His whole fucking world was on the _Enterprise,_ he knew that. His whole fucking world.

“Keep him safe,” he muttered, although he had no real idea who he was speaking to. _Maybe much-vaunted daddy_ he thought cynically. _Who-the-fuck-ever, just bring him back._

One by one the other ships hit warp and disappeared. The _Enterprise_ stayed for a moment longer before it too disappeared. _Probably Bones throwing himself on the controls looking for the parking brake,_ Jim thought, smiling.

He looked up at the black for a little longer, realising that he couldn’t see any stars. The light being kicked out by the station and the surrounding city drowned them out. He wanted to see the stars. Maybe when Bones got back…

\--

Jim was back in his quarters when the news began to come through, trying to fix the pot roast, as promised. It wasn’t going well. He had comms on in the background, as he always did, and he began to pick up words before his full attention was caught…

_…fleet caught in an ambush…huge losses…news still coming through…major loss of life…_

He dropped everything and ran.

“What?” He grabbed the first uniformed being he saw. “Tell me!”

“I..I don’t know,” stammered the cadet. “I only know what you know”.

“Fuck off out of my way then!” Jim pushed the cadet away and continued running towards the shuttle bay, trying to find somebody, anybody who could tell him what had happened. But there were no uniforms to be seen; there didn’t seem to be anybody around apart from the occasional civilian.

He skidded into the shuttle bay at last and was stopped in his tracks by what he saw. Ground crew were huddled together, either silent or weeping; other than that, there seemed to be silence. None of the usual chat, none of the never-ending work. It was as if the world had stopped. Jim looked around, the band of panic tightening in his chest. He ran to the viewing screen as if somehow the _Enterprise_ would still be there, still delayed because of Bones leaning on the parking brake, but of course she had gone; they had all gone.

They had all gone.

As the broadcasts from the ships came in - those few broadcasts that had been made - it became obvious what had happened. An ambush had destroyed the fleet. Thousands of people were dead. Cadets who shouldn’t even have been up there had gone, evaporated into space dust. Captain Pike, Jim’s father figure, gone the same way as his biological father. An old freighter was sent to the coordinates, and the scarcity of staff meant that Jim could go. They came out of warp into a debris field thousands of miles wide.

“There’s nothing”, he breathed to a crewmate. “Oh Jesus, there’s nothing”.

_Bones. Bones is out here. Where are you?_

They salvaged what they could (which didn’t seem to be much) and came home. It felt … wrong. They were coming back with nothing, with no news, just space dust and emptiness. At that moment, Jim hated space, and hated everything to do with it. Hated himself for persuading Bones to go for it; hated himself for cheating on the test - at least they would have been together.

“You know it isn’t your fault,” his therapist told him during one of their mandatory sessions. The whole base had been told they had to have these sessions, there was simply too much horror to cope with alone.

“I know that I didn’t send them into an ambush,” Jim replied. “But it’s my fault that he went out there”.

“He?” The therapist looked up. “Cadet Kirk, did you lose a partner?”

“90% of us lost a partner,” Jim snapped. “I lost more than that. I lost my fucking _heart”._

The therapist was looking through its notes, antennae waving in confusion. “There is nothing in my notes about this”.

“Oh, so sorry that we never told the world”. Jim stood up and began to pace. “Maybe some things are private, you know? Yes, I lost a partner, I lost my whole fucking world”. Quite suddenly, he slammed his head against the wall. “Fucking space wins again! Dad, Pike, Bones… Just me left I guess”.

“Cadet Kirk, stop that!” The therapist activated an alarm and then moved smoothly across the room to hover uncertainly. “Please stop doing that”.

Jim had drawn blood by the time security arrived and pulled him less than gently away, the cut on his head streaming into his eyes.

“Bones’ll fix it!” Jim screamed, the final small part of him realising that he was losing control. “Just get Bones!” He fought against the security, and he got away, because they weren’t ready for a dirty fighter. He ran down the corridor, not really sure where he was going , just needing to run and run until he couldn’t think any more.

Of course, there was nowhere to run, and security caught him. He found himself confined to quarters, with the therapist talking to him, trying to bring him down. He had no friends, no colleagues who could sit with him; they were all gone, and every civilized thread felt as if it had been cut. The old, feral Jim had only been sleeping, and now he was awake and really fucking angry.

\--

_“Trust is really hard, don’t you think?” Jim was lying on the sofa, ostensibly studying, but clearly day-dreaming. Didn’t matter, he knew everything anyway._

_“Trust or thrust?” Bones poked his head out of the kitchen. “I can do either”._

_“Christ, that’s disgusting”. Jim snorted a laugh. “No, I mean trust, you oaf. I’ve always been so shit at trust”._

_“You do okay”. Bones walked over to the sofa, bringing with him the smells of tomato and garlic and general goodness. “What brought this on?”_

_“Nah, nothing. Just thinking. Little word, big thing”. He put out a hand and rested it on Bones’ thigh. “You made me trust, you know? Never trusted anyone before”._

_Bones didn’t speak. Just leaned down and kissed him._

\--

Jim knocked back his whatever number it was whiskey and pushed the glass back at the bartender, nodding for a refill. He saw the bartender hesitate, but then pour it anyway. Just to prove that he could, he didn’t drink it all immediately, even though that was just what he wanted to do.

When the figure sat next to him, for a mad moment he though it was Pike, doing his usual thing of spoiling a perfectly good drinking session. He glanced up and saw a stranger and couldn’t stop the pricking behind his eyes. _Fuck._

“What was that look for?” The stranger, a humanoid male of immense proportions, glared down at Jim, who shrugged but didn’t bother to answer. “I said, what was that look for? Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I have no idea who I am anymore,” Jim slurred, that last whiskey finally beginning to numb his senses. He couldn’t really feel his fingers anymore. Now if he kept drinking, it should reach his brain and then it would all be over and he could stop thinking, stop imagining…

“You’re an idiot”. The humanoid turned his back in disgust. “Fuckin’ idiot”.

“Be a bit more original anyway,” Jim said. “Calling me an idiot twice. Can’t think of anything else?” He slid off his stool, balancing himself with one hand on the bar before moving around to stand in front of his new friend. “Asshole. Fuckwit. Deadhead. Any of those would be a bit more original”. He paused, and then smiled slowly. “Fopdoodle. Sot. Dunderhead”. He sniggered. “I’ve put a lot of thought into these. Can you tell? I’ve spent a lot of time insulting people a whole lot better than you”. He prodded the specimen in what felt like a very powerful chest. “And you should have heard what they called me”. He prodded again, and the other swept his hand aside as if it were an annoying insect. “Oooh, are you getting angry?” He prodded again. “All cross and bothered by me? Poor baby can’t rise above it?” He did it again, and it finally had the desired effect. There was a sudden movement, a burst of pain, lots of flashing lights and Jim went flying across the room to land in a painful heap against the opposite wall. There was a collective “oooh” from the captive audience, but it was the kind of dive where nobody went rushing for law enforcement. In fact, two of the larger beings stood by the door to stop it opening, and then they settled down to watch the little human twerp get thoroughly taken out.

It took a little while, to be fair. Jim had reverted in almost every way to the pre-Bones Jim; he fought dirty, he fought hard, he didn’t care whether he got hurt. And more importantly, there was no pattern to his fighting; he couldn’t be predicted, so he got in more than a few good punches of his own before he went under. At that point he was lifted up by the scruff of his neck and his new friends bought him a drink, patted him on the back, congratulated him on a good fight, and threw him out of the bar where he lay on the street, bleeding, sore and ready to throw up on the first person who tried to make him move.

“You okay?” The voice pierced his consciousness, and he blinked swollen eyelids to try and bring the owner of the voice into focus. It sounded female, but he was utterly fucked if he could focus enough to check.

“Fuck off”, he said indistinctly.

“No. Look at the state of you. You’re one of the Starfleet lot, aren’t you? So that explains why you’re drinking. Doesn’t explain why you’re lying in the street like a total loser”.

“The two things are not mutually exclusive”, he enunciated carefully. “Now, will you fuck off. Please”.

“Still no”.

“Not looking for help. Just leave me alone”.

“And I say again, still no”.

“Just who the fuck are you?” Jim finally pushed himself up and squinted at the figure in front of him. Just an ordinary humanoid female; didn’t seem to have ‘I’m an irritating pain’ tattooed anywhere visible.

“My name’s Annie”, she replied. 

“And? Why are you helping?”

“Because you look like you need help”. She smiled. “Do you think you could stand up? You really need to get up”.

“No, I really don’t”, Jim replied. “I can easily stay here”.

“Why are you feeling so sorry for yourself?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Still Jim refused to stand. “Who are you to interfere?”

“Because you need help, that’s obvious”, the woman named Annie responded. “There’s a good chance that your problem is somehow connected with what happened to the fleet. I want to help you”.

There was something about her, something warm, something Jim had never experienced and it called to something in him. When she reached out a hand to pull him to his feet, he reached up with his own, and didn’t let go, even when he was on his feet.

“Want a drink?” he said, with a slight smile.

She returned the smile and shook her head. “I don’t think so. I just wanted you on your feet”. She reached into a pocket and handed over a small card. “Come see me. I can help you”.

Jim was charmed by the sight of the simple piece of card; how many years had it been since he had seen something like this?

“I don’t think so”, he said. “But, thanks for the offer”.

Annie smiled and with a final squeeze of his hand, pulled away and walked off. Jim watched her go and then read the name on the card: Annie Grant. Just that and a contact address. Part of him was almost intrigued, but then the heaviness hit him again and he turned to make his way back to his quarters. After all, he had nowhere else to go, and it wasn’t as if they would punish him; the powers-that-be had a light hand with the remnants of the Academy.

So he went ‘home’ and failed to sleep, spread out in the bed he had shared with Bones. He knew perfectly well that Bones would be tutting at him now, telling him to get on with his life, to remember him, but move on. But Jim couldn’t; he had lost whatever it was that tamed him and tethered him. Without Bones, he was rootless again, and he wanted to just run and run. He couldn’t drag himself away from their quarters, not yet; but one day soon he would, he would pick up and nobody would see him again.

He rolled out of bed, again unable to sleep, and walked to the window, looking out at the sky. Couldn’t see much because of the light of course, but he knew what was there, even though he had never been, except of course he had, because he was born there. Bones used to say that was why he wanted to go into space; he was going to his real home. _You up there, my Bones? You waiting for me? Wait for me._

__

It was another three days before he went to see Annie. Three days of silence and anger and hurt. In the end, he realised he had no choice; this woman had said she could help; if she couldn’t he had decided that he was done, he had no future without Bones.

He used the contact details to comm her, and he thought she sounded pleased to hear from him, inviting him over that day to see her. Of course, she could possibly be an axe murderer, but at that point JIm didn’t really care. So what if she was? She would save him a job.

The first surprise was that Annie lived in a whole house to herself, rather than an apartment. Houses signified wealth and privilege, so he blurted out his first question the second she opened the door.

“Why do you come out at night and pick people up in the street?”

Annie smiled. She was dressed in a dark blue dress, and she looked like his idea of how a mother should look. She looked - nice. She had nice eyes, dark brown and kind. Something deep in him felt like it responded.

“I’m a good samaritan,” she said, beckoning him in.

“How do you know I’m not a mass murderer? How do I know you’re not one?”

“Well I know that I’m not,” she answered. “And I’ll trust you. You have kind eyes”.

Jim stepped over the threshold and looked around. “You have a beautiful house”, he said. “Really beautiful”.

“Thank you”.

The house was very simply decorated, with pieces that were clearly antique, favouring the early 20th century, with smooth flowing lines and tactile shapes. _Bones would love this._

“Come, sit down”. Annie pointed to a very comfortable looking chair, but JIm simply perched on the edge of it, watching as she sat opposite him.

“What am I doing here?” he asked. “What do you want with me?”

“I think it’s more what you want with me”, she answered.

“Stop being so fucking obtuse”, he snapped. “It’s not cute. It’s just fucking annoying”.

“Bad language isn’t going to shock me”, she said mildly. “I’ll tell you what you’re doing here, JIm”. She leaned forward. “You’re in mourning. I know that a great many people are mourning; the whole city is mourning, it seems. But you - when I saw you in the street, you looked like a wounded animal. I can’t just walk away from that”.

“I have a therapist”, Jim said.

“I have no qualifications in that regard”, she said. “I retired from my work almost 10 years ago. I was an accountant”.

“Somebody has to be”.

“What I can do, Jim, what I do now, is I listen. I suppose you could say I was a counsellor, rather than a therapist, but I only work with people who call to me. You called to me; you are screaming so loudly that the whole city can hear you”. She stopped and looked at him, head tilted. “Who did you lose?”

“Everyone”, he said simply. “I lost my friends, my colleagues, I lost everybody”.

She reached forward and took his hands, tightening her grip when he would have pulled away. “Nonsense”, she retorted. “Those losses are hugely important, of course they are, but it’s more”.

“Do you know who I am?” Jim demanded. “Is that what it is? You think maybe you can make some money from the legend’s son?”

“You’re Jim”, Annie said. “That’s all I need to know. As for the legend? I have no idea what you mean by that. I saw you, and I cannot - I simply cannot - walk past pain like that”. She squeezed his hands again. “I don’t expect reward for this. No, that’s not true; my reward will be seeing you smile”.

“I can’t remember how to do that properly”, Jim said. “So don’t hold your breath”. He paused and swallowed. “What do you want me to do?”

She squeezed a final time and then stood up. “Do you want a drink? You look as if you could use some food”. Jim blinked at the change of subject, but admitted that a drink would be welcome. If she produced home-made lemonade, he decided, he was going to run screaming. She didn’t. Freshly squeezed juice, that was fine, and some weird pastry things that he tried, but couldn’t swallow past the ever-present knot. She didn’t press.

In fact, she didn’t do anything, not really. She left him there with his drink and his thoughts, and - pottered. She left the room for long periods and he heard her moving around elsewhere. He thought he may have heard a burst of piano music, but decided he was hallucinating.

He gazed out at nothing and must have lost track of time, because almost two hours had gone past before he realised it. The house was silent when he finally came back to himself, bringing him mind back from his memories, and he put the empty glass down, thought briefly about looking for her, but in the end simply let himself out of the house. _Weird way to spend an afternoon,_ he thought. _But it’s not like I had anything else planned._

To his own amazement, he went back again the next day. The Academy was trying to pull itself together, begin classes again, but he was having none of that. He didn’t plan to be around for a lot longer anyway, and when he thought about it, the most peaceful time he had had since the disaster had been sitting in Annie’s smart house.

Annie opened the door to him and smiled. Jeans today, he noticed, and a baggy shirt.

“Just gardening”, she said in response to his look. “Come and help if you like”.

“I don’t know anything about it”, he said.

“So, come learn”.

Instead he sat in the same chair as he had the day before and looked out at the garden, watching Annie as she moved around, digging through the earth,planting and weeding; she looked relaxed and content. He had forgotten how that felt.

She was still out there when he left.

__

He didn’t go back the next day, or the next. He stole a private transport and simply drove for miles; out into the desert, before getting out and walking until he was so exhausted he could hardly put one foot in front of the other. He slept in the transport and the next day drove back to the city, abandoning it on the outskirts. He hadn’t lost his touch, he noticed with some smugness.

And he drank, and he fought, and inside he screamed himself hoarse.

The inquest into what happened to the fleet was opened and closed again immediately to wait for reports, although he had no idea who was going to be reporting, since they were all dead. A memorial was arranged for the following week, and Jim made a mental note of the date; that would be his chosen date; Bones was out there waiting for him somewhere; it was a good day to go and find him. Jim found himself looking forward to it as the only way to escape all the crushing misery that enveloped him. He hated himself for his inability to move forward, but nothing he could do made any difference. His loss and pain were there all the time.

__

On the third day, he went back to Annie’s. She didn’t show any surprise as she opened the door to him, simply looked at his new bruises, her eyes full of sadness.

He went back to ‘his’ chair and looked out at the garden. “It’s changed”, he said to Annie, who was bringing him in a drink. “What have you done?”

“Did a bit of harvesting”, she said. “It needed tidying”.

“It looks - good”, he said. “I’ve never really seen a garden”.

“Why?”

“Lived in apartments or dorms since I joined Starfleet”, he said. “Before that - well, just no garden. Grew some food once”.

She handed him his drink and walked behind him resting one hand briefly on his shoulder. “Can you cook?”

The question startled him. “Nope. Well, kind of. No, not really”.

“No point in growing your food if you don’t know how to cook it”.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter”.

“I’ll be in the kitchen”, she said. “I have a lot of produce to deal with”. She didn’t suggest anything, but after a while, the combination of aromas drew him towards the kitchen. He leaned against the door frame and watched her. “I - I had a friend who loved cooking”, he said. “He was better at it than me”.

“You should learn”, she said. “Then you can surprise your friend”.

Jim shook his head. “No, he’s - he’s not around now”.

She glanced up, but didn’t say anything. He found he was grateful for that, and he stayed where he was, watching as she deftly chopped and sliced and fried. To his surprise, she presented him with a plate piled with fresh vegetables, all cooked in various ways, along with a delicious looking dip. He attempted to hand it back, but she shook her head. “Not saying you need to eat it all, but you need some fuel, and I don’t just mean alcohol”.

“Not hungry”, he said, trying again to hand it back. He was too intrinsically polite to just abandon it, plus the fact that he couldn’t waste food, and when she refused to accept it, he sighed inwardly and picked up - something green - and began to nibble on it. It was delicious.

“Runner beans”, she said. “I have a bumper crop, so I’m glad you like them”.

“Yeah, they’re good”. He diligently finished the serving and then looked around for somewhere to safely put the dish. Annie held out her hand.

“I’m going back out there”, she said. “Come if you want. Stay if you want”.

“Why?” The word came out on a sigh of frustration. “You don’t know me, I could be planning to kill you or rob you blind”.

“I may not know you, but I know you’ve lost something precious, and I can’t stand to see that”, she said. “You are so young, Jim, so young to have lost someone”. She turned away before Jim could say anything. “We all need comfort”, she continued, “even if some of us think that they can manage without”.

Later, he watched her out in the garden again, this time raking up leaves fallen from the trees. After a moment he walked out and took the rake from her. “I’ll do that”, he said. “I can do that without destroying anything”.

“Thank you”, Annie said, clearly relieved to hand over the job. “I’m getting too old to manage this garden by myself. I keep telling myself that I should get help, or perhaps even relocate somewhere, but I don’t want to do either. My husband and I bought this house together when we first started out. It was going to be our family home; we were going to raise our children here”.

Jim faltered slightly, but then just nodded. “He gone?”

“A long time ago. We only had a matter of months together”.

Jim nodded again. “Not good. It’s a bitch, losing people”.

Annie again didn’t push him, and the silence grew between them, but it was a reasonably comfortable silence and Jim was happy enough to continue until he finished the task. Then he handed back the rake and smiled. “Goodnight”, he said simply.

“Hope you come again”, Annie said. “Sleep well”.

\--

He went again the next day, and the day after, and each time he seemed to relax more. He understood a little more now; Annie had lost someone she loved and had never had the family she had hoped for. She had seen something in him that spoke to her. He found he was content enough with it; he had never really felt like anyone’s son before.

\--

“So tell me about your husband”, he said one night. It was only two days to the memorial, so he didn’t have much longer. He had decided that he wanted to give her something, some way of saying thank you. “What was his name?”

“His name was Simon”. She said the name with such softness that she hardly needed to say anything else. “We met when I was about your age. He was a lot older than me; all my friends thought I was foolish, and my parents thought he was some kind of pervert because of the age difference. They didn’t understand”.

“It happens”, Jim said. “Shouldn’t matter, should it? Love’s love I guess”.

“I guess”, she echoed with a small smile. “But only three months after our wedding, he died, very suddenly. There was nothing anyone could have done, but I called down the vengeance of all the ancient gods onto the heads of the medics who failed to save him. How dare they? How dare they let him die?”

“And did the gods avenge you?” Jim asked, shrugging at the shake of Annie’s head. “They don’t care what they do; they don’t care who they take away”.

"The way I have come to see it over the years is that although I lost him after too short a time, at least I had him, even if only for a little while. I would rather that than to have never known him”.

“That sounds like grasping at straws”, Jim answered, anger in his voice. “I wanted him forever. He hated space, did you know that? Hated it. But he did what I asked him to do and joined Starfleet. I killed him as surely as if I’d pulled the trigger”.

“You know that’s ridiculous”, Annie replied, still quiet. “That’s a broken heart speaking”.

As if her words had triggered something, Jim rubbed his chest, feeling the ache that would never leave him alone.

“I understand”, she said. “You think I don’t understand the guilt and the pain and the anger? I understand it all. What you have to do is make him proud. Make what you have left count”.

“I don’t want to”. He knew he sounded like a sulky child. “They all leave me, Annie, all of them. I just don’t have anything left inside me. I’m so, so fucking tired of it all”. He ducked his head. “I’m so tired, Annie”.

“Then make a life for yourself”, she replied. “Decide for yourself if you want to continue in Starfleet, or do you want to do something else entirely? Do you want to make a different life?”

“Like what? I can’t do anything. Oh, I can tinker with old machinery and old engines, but what good is that? He used to laugh when he saw me come in up to my elbows in grease, used to tell me that when our careers were over I could offer my services as a grease monkey”. He thought for a second and then, “I guess I got that from my dad. That, and a love of space. More like him than I thought, maybe”.

“Tell me his name”. Annie’s voice was so soft it seemed to slip under the noise of the of the wind coming in through the open windows. “The one who has done this to you”.

“He was called Leonard”. Jim didn’t want to say the name he always used. “My whole life”.

“Why?” The voice was still gentle. “Tell me why he was your whole life”.

Jim had to think about that. How did he say it? How did he say that Bones and weaved himself so firmly into Jim’s consciousness that he could still hear his voice, still knew exactly what he would say? How could he say that Bones had always been there, had always understood what was needed? More than that, how did he explain how Bones’ body felt under his fingers, his lips, how Bones reacted when Jim touched him a certain way? How his voice would sound when he said Jim’s name? How nobody else could speak it like that?

“I fell”, he said finally, clearing his throat against sudden roughness. “I fell so often and he always caught me. He never once refused to open his arms and catch me, no matter what I did. I did some terrible things, but I never meant to, and he knew that; and so he always caught me”.

“He sounds kind”, Annie said. 

“He was”, Jim agreed. “He was scary sometimes, but underneath he was so very kind”.

“You’re very young still…”

“Don’t you dare!” Jim’s eyes flared. “Don’t you dare say that I’ll meet someone else. You never did!”

“I wasn’t going to,” Annie said placidly. “I was going to say that you’re very young; you have time to find something that puts your life back on some kind of track. You may never meet anyone, but you have to live the kind of life that would make him proud of you”.

Jim shook his head. “I’m going into space”, he said. “I’m going to find him in all those stars. I stand there on a night when the stars come out and I look up there, trying to see him. How pathetic is that?”

“Not pathetic”. Annie leaned forward, lowering his voice still further. “Simon is buried under the apple tree”. She laughed at Jim’s look of shock, and nodded. “True”.

“Wow”. He thought about smiling but it felt too hard. “I don’t even have his ashes”.

“Take something of his that meant everything to you. Put it somewhere that meant something to you both. Give yourself a place to visit, a place to sit and talk to him”.

Jim nodded. He didn’t answer, but that comment took root.

When he went back to his quarters that night, for the first time since the disaster he didn’t sit staring into the dark, a tumbler of Bones’ favourite Laphroaig by his side trying to drink himself to sleep. Instead he lay in their bed, gazing at the stars which for the first time since the destruction of the fleet seemed to be a little less hostile. _How can they be hostile, if you’re up there? I’ll see you soon. God, I can’t wait for it to stop hurting._

“Annie’s nice isn’t she?” he said aloud. “You’d really like her if you could properly talk to her. You could share recipes and make me eat properly. She keeps feeding me green stuff and crunchy stuff. And raw stuff, Bones. _RAW_ stuff. That’s just not right”. He closed his eyes. “Make it stop hurting now. I’ve paid for sending you to your death, haven’t I? Just ease it a bit if you think that I haven’t. Just let me breathe again”. He turned over and pulled Bones’ pillow close to his chest and tried to sleep.

\--

For the first time in a long time he did sleep until deep in the night he was awoken by the chime of the door. Startled, he practically fell out of bed getting his feet tangled up in the sheets. The chime sounded again, almost impatient and he finally got there, slamming his hand against the panel to open it. “What?” he half shouted.

Outside his door stood Captain Marquand, the liaison officer. Jim wondered for a moment if he had overslept by about two days, and Marquand was going to drag him to the memorial service after all and risk ruining his plans, so he was even more surprised when Marquand simply nodded, and with a muttered “may I?” came into the quarters. 

“Sit down, Cadet”, he said, motioning at one of the seats, and taking one himself. 

“Sir?” Jim did as he was told, still trying to get his fuddled brain in order. This probably wasn’t good; maybe he was going to be kicked out of his shared quarters, maybe out of the Academy completely. Whatever.

“Cadet, there is news. The _Enterprise_ wasn’t destroyed; she’s limping home”.

Jim carried on looking at him. He could hear Marquand’s words, but couldn’t quite make sense of them.

“We received a message only a few hours ago. You’re down as Dr McCoy’s next of kin, and of course your connections to Captain Pike are well known”.

“Captain Pike?” Jim ran a hand through his hair and then down his face, scrubbing at the stubble he felt there. Some part of his brain was surprised; when had he stopped shaving? Oh well, didn’t matter. Now, what had Marquand said about Pike?

“Yes, Captain Pike”. Marquand sat forward, trying to catch Jim’s eyes, but the - boy - just kept his gaze fixed on nothing; his eyes were completely unfocused and clearly seeing nothing. It was of course known that this boy had run wild after the destruction of the fleet, but if that was the case then this boy had burned out. This boy was at the end of his personal line, Marquand could see it as clearly as if it had been painted on Kirk’s forehead. He was dishevelled, in need of a shave, and a shower. A change of clothes wouldn’t go amiss. He had given up.

So he tried again, and failed again to catch Kirk’s gaze. “Do you understand what I’m saying to you? The _Enterprise_ survived the attack. She’s badly damaged, her nacelles destroyed, no warp capability, her long-range communications are out which is why we have only just found out about her - she has just come into range. She’s limping badly, Cadet, but she’ll be here in another week or so”. He tried again to catch Kirk’s gaze. “We’re going to be sending out shuttles to bring back the wounded. It was suggested that perhaps you should go and help in the first instance, but looking at you I think that would perhaps not be the best idea. You seem a little - distracted”.

“No, no…” Jim shook his head and forced himself to focus. “No, I’m fine. I’m just - stunned, I guess”. He sat up straighter, but still didn’t meet Marquand’s gaze. “How are the crew?”

“There have been fatalities, and there are injuries, but they have a good medic there”. Marquand’s eyes softened. “It’s Leonard McCoy, Cadet Kirk. He has had to take over as CMO, and has done a bang-up job by all accounts”.

Jim felt something snap inside him. It was like a band that had been tightening a bit more every day just - snapped. If he had been standing up he would probably have collapsed. _Swooned,_ Bones would have said in that southern accent of his. _Swooned into my arms._ He took a huge, shuddering breath, the sound clearly alarming Marquand, who half rose from his seat. Jim shook his head and held out a hand. _Oh shit…_ Now he had started, he didn’t seem to be able to stop breathing, way too fast, way too shallow. He cupped his hands over his nose and mouth, trying to steady himself, but his mind was suddenly firing on all cylinders and the adrenaline had started to flow, and the last thing he could do was control his breathing.

Marquand saw what was happening, but he didn’t stand or try and help. He had no medical training, and he didn’t really know what to do. And he also thought that if he stood up, Jim would bolt. Because all of a sudden, he did look like a wild animal - Marquand could practically see the sparks coming off him.

Jim kept fighting for breath, but now he could hear Bones’ voice in his head, telling him what to do, to calm down, and no matter how much he griped about it, something in Jim was programmed to obey that voice. _Come on, kid, slow it down. You’re not doing yourself any favours doing this, you know. That’s it, kid, that’s it. Come on, slow it down. Do it for me._

At last, he began to feel in control again, and dropped his hands to his lap, breathing deeply and steadily. Marquand was still there, so perhaps it hadn’t been a dream.

“Sorry, sir”, he said. “You’ve taken me by surprise”.

“Of course, and I apologise for that. I should have handled it a little better perhaps, but - well, no matter”.

“I want to go out on one of the shuttles”, Jim said, ignoring the semi-apology. “I have to go out on one. I have to get to the _Enterprise”._

“I’m not sure if you’re in a fit state…” began Marquand, but Jim glared at him, and Marquand felt himself forget what he had been going to say. What a dichotomy this kid was - lost child, wild boy and utterly determined young man all in one package. Leonard McCoy was a brave man to take this on. Marquand was suddenly unsurprised that the doctor had not only taken over control of the medical bay in the middle of an unprecedented catastrophe, but had also kept his cool all the way through. 

“I’m going”, Jim said. “When do we leave?”

“0500 hours”, Marquand replied. “You have a couple of hours. Could I suggest you eat something and perhaps - clean yourself up?”

Jim looked down at himself. “Okay”.

He watched Marquand leave the quarters and then for the next - however long it was - simply stared at nothing. _He’s not dead. I’m going to see him in just a few hours._ He couldn’t take it in. He wasn’t going to have to search the stars for him now; he was going to be taken to him in as humdrum a way as possible. _He’s not dead._ He pulled himself up and walked toward the bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror for what seemed like the first time in a long while, and was - somewhat surprised by what stared back at him. For sure it wasn’t him. He didn’t look like some kind of beaten up sack of crap with the beginnings of a beard. Jesus. How did Annie not run screaming from him if this was what he looked like? More to the point, why hadn’t she told him to get in the shower before he came anywhere near her? Clearly deranged. The thought made him smile, and then laugh, and then before he knew what was happening, he was laughing hysterically, bending over the sink and once again fighting to breathe.

He didn’t know when the laughter turned into tears, but before long he was on his knees, hands covering his face as he sobbed and sobbed through his heartbreak and loss and desperate, desperate need. _I’m not keeping it together, Bones. I thought I was okay, thought I could handle anything. And I can, but only with you. I can’t handle it alone. Oh Christ, I need you so much!_

It was a long time before he stopped crying and dragged himself to his feet, gazing at himself out of eyes that were old and tired and so very, very lost. He couldn’t summon hope; there had been a mistake, it wasn’t Bones who was holding it together (although he would), or it was Bones, but the _Enterprise_ would suffer a catastrophic incident before he got there and Bones would be stardust. _If that’s what happens, then I’ll open the fucking airlock and join you,_ Jim vowed. _Just wait for me and hold my hand when I find you, and we’ll travel in space forever, and I’ll make you love it. I’ll show you such beauty. Just wait for me._

With a huge breath that was shaky as all fuck, he finally pulled himself away from his reflection, peeled off his clothes and headed for the shower.

\--

He presented himself at the shuttle dock on time, washed, shaved and freshly dressed. At first glance he looked like himself again; it was only when you looked into his eyes that you realised that he still had no hope. But nobody looked into his eyes; they simply ticked his name off a list. Some people even congratulated him on his good luck, and he found a hollow non-smile for them, maybe even a word or two. But he was absolutely numb inside. He couldn’t believe this was going to work. The rescue ship was going to crash; the _Enterprise_ wouldn’t be where they thought and was out there somewhere wandering lost, and then what was he going to do? He couldn’t step through an airlock into Bones’ arms if Bones was lost to him. What would he do then?

“Kirk? Cadet Kirk, are you listening to me?” The voice snapped him back to attention, and he straightened up, looking staight ahead.

“Apologies, ma’am”.

“This is no time for wool-gathering”. Jim couldn’t put a name to the Commander standing in front of him, but that was no great surprise. A lot of staff had been brought back from the outposts and he hadn’t been around much lately. 

“No, ma’am”.

“The _Erebus_ is waiting to leave. Get yourself aboard. You will be helping with the arrangements for bringing home the wounded. I believe your partner is Dr McCoy?”

“Yes, ma’am”. 

“Then you and he will be working together to co-ordinate the transfer. Make sure you report to him in med bay when you dock with the _Enterprise”._

“Ma’am”.

She waved a hand in dismissal and moved away, too busy to bother with anything not vital, and Jim approached the _Erebus_ with dragging footsteps, still waiting for it to explode.

And then, fortunately, he became too busy to fret. The ship ran smoothly - of course - and he had barely had time to breathe before the call came that they were about to leave warp and would then dock with the _Enterprise._

At that point, his stomach began to knot. He didn’t think now that he wasn’t going to see Bones; now he didn’t know what he would do when he did. The whole reason Bones had got into this was his stupid fault. If he hadn’t cheated on the _Maru,_ he would have been there with him. At that point, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered so much if they had both died. He had to apologise but didn’t know how.

The first sight of the _Enterprise_ was horrifying. The breaches in her side looked like gaping wounds, and it was hard not to think of the crew who had been sucked into space, screaming their fear into the void; Jim spared a moment for them to whisper - something - maybe a prayer, maybe just a wish that they were travelling together somewhere out there. The brilliant blue of the nacelles was absent, and she was simply hanging in space as if she were exhausted. She had done what she could for her crew, and she had no more to give.

“Thank you”, Jim whispered. “Thank you for everything”. She was still beautiful, even damaged as she was. She would never be less than beautiful to him, because she had saved Bones.

“Their transporter is down”, said a voice behind him, and he turned to see Khalid, who would also be helping with the wounded. “We’ll have to shuttle over and dock”.

Jim nodded and together they made their way to the shuttle bay. Their shuttle had been packed full with medical supplies at Bones’ request, along with simple mattresses for the wounded they could move. There was barely room for Jim and Khalid to squeeze in as well, and they ended up perching practically on each other’s laps, as the shuttle departed the _Erebus._ At one point their eyes met and they shared a grin of semi-embarrassment - they really were _very_ close to each other - and then they both looked ahead again, watching as they approached the _Enterprise_ and more damage became apparent. That she had held together at all had been nothing short of a miracle, and that she had made it this far home was beyond belief. She was a fighter, this lady. 

And then the docking and the hubbub as pressure was equalised and doors opened, and Jim found himself almost reluctant to step off the shuttle, somehow afraid of what was going to happen. He stayed aboard and handed out the gear to the crew who were out there waiting. All familiar faces, who grinned at him from eyes that were so much older than they had been. There were so few, so horribly few of them. But he saw Uhura, and their eyes met. She nodded and smiled very slightly, and that eased the knot. At least she was there.

And then he couldn’t put it off any longer; the shuttle was clear, and the gear needed taking up to the medbay. As he moved towards the transport, Uhura came over to him, and without a word hugged him. Jim stood stiff in her arms for a moment, and then returned the hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her body, almost pulling her off the ground, and she huffed a laugh into his neck. “It’s so good to see you, Kirk”, she said as he finally released her. She held him still with one hand on either side of his face. “So good”. He echoed her movement, and they starred at each other, saying more with silence than they could with words. 

Finally, with a miniscule nod that Jim felt rather than saw, she released him and he stepped back as well.

“I have to get back to the bridge” Uhura said. “We’re so short of crew that I wanted to come and help down here. You take these to the medbay. Dr McCoy is waiting for them”. She smiled then, very soft. “Waiting for you as well”.

“Really?”

“Been like a cat on hot bricks hoping you would come with the rescue party”. She rolled her eyes. “Maybe you can calm him down. The man is running on empty”. She reached up and quickly kissed his cheek. “So glad you’re here”.

He watched as she walked away, straight-backed and confident. Even her pony tail looked confident. She was a superb person and a good friend, although a friend who fought with him a lot. But a friend nonetheless.

The medbay was chaos, and Jim was fully occupied for a few minutes organising the stores they had brought and trying to make sense of what was going on. There were people everywhere, either those who were injured or those who were trying to help. It was bedlam.

“Here, take this to Dr McCoy”. Khalid handed him their stock list. “He needs to see what we’ve brought and sign for it. Administration never stops, even now. He’s in his office over there”. Khalid pointed towards where the crowd of people seemed even more dense, and Jim nodded. He knew that this wasn’t the time for him to fall apart; these people needed him to be on his game, not flailing about as if he had lost his mind. So with a deep breath, he walked over and shouldered his way through the knot of people.

So his first sight of Bones was as he emerged from the crowd, and his first thought was, _he’s so tired._ And then he handed the papers over and said, “Here you are. Bones”.

Bones’ head shot up and for a long moment they simply stared at each other before, in full sight of everybody, Bones stood up and pulled Jim into a hug so tight Jim felt his ribs creaking.

“Oh thank Christ”, Bones said, his lips in Jim’s hair. “Thank Christ”.

Then he released Jim, stared at him as if taking him in again, remembering him, and then before Jim’s eyes turned back into Dr McCoy, barking orders left and right. And Jim had never loved him more.

\--

When the shuttle was full and ready to go, Jim refused to board. “I’m staying with Bones”, he said to Khalid. “Means that you can fit another patient in there in my place. We’ll be another week or so in space, and I reckon Bones needs all the help he can get right now”. The _Erebus_ was going to take back the most serious cases, and were travelling with one of the _Enterprise_ ’s best medical staff. Bones had refused to leave those patients who were too badly hurt to be moved, and Jim refused to leave Bones. He had only seen him at a distance since that initial meeting, but he could no more leave him now than he could take out his own tonsils.

So Khalid sighed and nodded. “Be safe”, he said. “And I’ll see you when you land”. He grinned and held out his hand, which Jim shook heartily. “We make a good team, Kirk. Be good to work together again”.

“Sure”, Jim agreed. “Maybe when I’m captain, you can work on my crew”. That made Khalid laugh as they parted. Jim was mildly offended by the laughter.

“All gone?” Bones’ voice from behind him made him start and then shiver. It was Bones using _that_ tone; the one that he only used on Jim, who looked at his feet and nodded. “You not going with them?”

“How could I?” Jim asked. “How could I leave you?”

He heard a long breath, like a sigh, and then Bones said, “Oh, I’m so glad”.

Jim turned then and found Bones closer than he had expected, but that was okay. That was fine. Because Bones was closer than he had expected.

He opened his mouth to say sorry, because he wanted to get the apology over, get it out of the way, but Bones simply said, “Don’t”, stepped into Jim’s space and kissed him.

And oh God, it was like everything. It was life and home and hope. It was joy and love and a deep, deep well of water after a long journey. He heard the noise he made in his throat, a noise that had no word, and he pushed himself onto his toes, wrapping his arms around Bones’ shoulders and giving in to the kiss and the feelings.

The kiss ended only when the air ran out, but they didn’t step away from each other, but clung tightly. “I thought you were dead”, Jim whispered finally. “I was going to come here and the _Enterprise_ was going to have exploded. I was going to step out of an airlock. I was going to join you. I just needed you to wait”.

“i would have waited”. Bones’ voice was hoarse with unshed tears. “I would have waited for ever”. His arms seemed to wrap impossibly tighter around Jim. It was hurting now, but Jim didn’t care. He didn’t want Bones to let him go.

“What did it?” he asked. “What caused the delay? I thought you’d maybe thrown yourself across the parking brake”.

Bones huffed a small laugh. “Near as dammit. Sulu, the pilot, forgot to disengage something-or-other with a fancy name. Spock got cocky. It was the parking brake”.

“Thank God for Sulu. Introduce me. I’m going to kiss him on the lips”.

Finally, they broke apart. “You look tired”, Jim said. “When did you last sleep?”

“Probably our last night”. Bones shrugged. “So much pain, so much damage, Jim. It’s just terrible”. He swallowed and shook his head. “So much horror”.

“I can’t imagine”, Jim said, although thinking back to his childhood, he could perhaps summon up similar horrific scenes, but he had no wish to do that. This was about Bones, not him. “But you have to sleep, you have to eat”. He frowned as Bones opened his mouth. “No, don’t interrupt. You’ve got the medbay under control, you’ve managed to get a good half of the patients onto the shuttle, and you have enough supplies to last until you get home. Let the staff do their job, and come with me”.

Bones’ shoulders sagged. “You’re right”, he said, which made Jim realise how exhausted he was. “I’ll meet you in the mess hall in a half hour. I’ll just go and make sure everyone knows what they’re doing”.

“And I’m going to find Captain Pike”, replied Jim. “I’ve seen him at a distance but I want to tell him why I’m here”. He smiled. “And I just want to see him”.

\--

The bridge was still beautiful, even in her damaged state, and the crew were quiet and calm. Nothing much for them to do really, just nurse her home and check the systems. Jim had originally thought that she had given up, but in fact the Enterprise was just getting a few running repairs to her engine before setting off on her journey again. It was Pike who refused to leave her. _“I took her out; I will bring her home”,_ he had said, and the glare he had given when offered a tug to tow her was going to go down in Starfleet history.

“Permission to enter, sir”, he said, and Pike’s head swivelled so hard, Jim winced.

“Permission granted”. Pike stood and approached Jim. “It’s good to see you, Cadet Kirk”. He embraced Jim. “You missed quite the adventure”.

“Maybe I’ll be along for the next one”, he said, with an approximation of his usual smile. “I’ve told the _Erebus_ that I’ll be staying with the _Enterprise_ until she gets back to Earth. I hope that’s acceptable”.

“What do you plan on doing?”

“Help where necessary”, Jim replied promptly. “I know something about engines, so I can hep out there; I can help with the physical work in the medical bay…”

“That’ll be fine”, Pike said warmly. “Welcome aboard”. He put his arm around Jim’s shoulders and gestured to the crew. “Give you time to meet everyone; heroes all. You should be proud to know them”.

“I am”, Jim said fervently. “I’m so grateful that you’re here”.

Pike pointed to a young man in a yellow shirt who was staring fixedly at a screen in front of him. “That’s Mr Sulu”, he said. “It’s thanks to him”.

“Bones told me,” Jim said. “The parking brake”.

“Well, something with a fancier name than that, but similar”. Pike clapped Jim on the shoulder. “You’ll share McCoy’s quarters I’m guessing? We don’t have to find you anything?” His face sobered. “Not that that would be a problem. So many lost…”

“No, sir”, Jim said hastily. “I’ll be with Bones. I’m meeting him in the mess hall, and I’ll make sure he gets some rest”.

“Good lad”. Pike nodded. “He needs to rest. He’s worked like a Trojan”. He quickly embraced Jim again. “It’s very good to see you, son”.

That word again. The word Pike used on him when he was hiding emotion. It always caught on something in Jim’s heart and twisted a little, and so their parting was perhaps a little abrupt on both sides, but no less loving for all that.

__

They didn’t stay in the mess hall, simply grabbed some food and then made their way to Bones’ quarters. Bones’ and Jim’s quarters now.

“Be wearing your clothes for a while I reckon”, Jim said.

“Then you’ll look like a little kid”, Bones retorted. “I’m sure we have something that you can wear”.

“Nothing from - you know”, Jim said, and Bones shook his head. 

“Of course not. I was thinking of borrowing something from one of the crew members”. 

He threw himself on to the sofa and tilted his head back, exhaustion in every line of his body. Jim crossed the room and without giving himself too much time to think about it, straddled Bones and let himself down onto his lap. Bones grunted and smiled.

“I’m so very, very glad you’re here”, he said, lifting his head and moving to put his hands on Jim’s waist. “I wanted you here, but at the same time, I didn’t. I didn’t want you to go through any of this”.

“I would rather have gone through it with you than being on my own when the news came through”, Jim replied. “I thought you were dead, and I didn’t know what to do. Thought I was strong and capable, and I folded like a deck of cards”. He leaned forward and rested his head in the crook of Bones’ neck. “Turns out you’re my strength”.

“Could have told you that, kid”. Bones rested his hand on the back of Jim’s head, his fingers gently carding through the fine hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I never meant to leave you to go alone”, Jim said, his face hidden in the comforting warmth. “I never meant to send you alone into danger. I was always going to be with you, and I fucked up. Again”.

“You didn’t know this was going to happen”, Bones responded. “Don’t go blaming yourself. This is the fault of a Romulan, who was driven mad by grief. It’s not your fault”.

“They were going to hold a memorial for you all in a couple of days”. Jim sat back, his hands on Bones’ chest. He just needed to keep touching, needed to keep him close. “I was going to kill myself when everyone had gone so nobody would find me and stop me. Big dramatic gesture”.

“Little bit”, Bones said lightly, although the way the muscles in his jaw tightened told Jim it had hit home. “And then what would I have done when I got home and you had done that?”

“I kept thinking though, that really I should get up to the stars and do it. I was born in the stars and I decided that I should die in them. That was when the airlock thing started. I think that would be the way I would have gone”.

“What, and be up here forever?” Bones moved his hands to rest once again on Jim’s waist.

“With you”, Jim answered. “I would have found you and we would have been up here together”.

“Let’s do that, then”, Bones said. “in about 80 years”.

“Deal”.

Jim leaned forward again. “So what now?”

“Now? We get back to Earth, and we get all these people fixed”.

“And do we go back into the stars? Or do we do something else entirely?”

“Like what?” Bones sounded genuinely surprised. “What would you do? This is your life now. You’ve always loved the stars, even if you didn’t always acknowledge it”.

“I do love them”, Jim admitted. “But whatever you want, I’ll do. You had enough? Fine, we’ll settle down and you an open a practice on Earth, or on one of the space stations - that’s not really space travel, is it?”

“And I say again, what would you do?”

“I’ve been thinking about that. I could go back to doing what I used to do”.

“What, getting into fights and bed-hopping?”

“No”, Jim laughed. “Being a grease-monkey, looking after engines”.

“That feels like a cliche”, Bones said and there was definite amusement in his voice. “Respectable doctor setting up home with the bad-boy mechanic”.

“I would have special overalls with ‘property of Dr McCoy’ printed on the ass”.

“Oh, that’s better, then”.

“I love you”. Jim said it very simply and very honestly. “You are my absolute world, and whatever you want, I’ll do”.

“And I would hate that”, answered Bones. “If we don’t argue at least three times a day, then it’s not us. If you started doing what you were told, I would think you had been possessed. There’s time enough for us to think about the future. Right now let’s just think about this. About here and now, and you and me”. He squeezed Jim’s waist. “Don’t change who you are out of some kind of perceived guilt. You have done nothing wrong”.

For the second time, Jim folded. He didn’t build up to it, he just sobbed, scalding and ugly sobs full of grief and guilt, and Bones simply held him close, his own eyes shining a little more than usual.

“It’s all right”, he whispered finally as Jim began to wind down. “It’s been hard on you, I know. It brought back way too many memories, right?” He felt Jim nod against his neck, damp and uncomfortable, but refusing to move, as if he were a child. “You’ve had a shit life, Jim, and I get why you automatically think this is somehow your fault, but oh my darlin’, it really ain’t”. He deliberately thickened his accent to make Jim smile. He didn’t know if it worked, as the damp face didn’t look up, so he shifted slightly and pushed Jim off his lap, settling him far more comfortably. Jim made a little grunt of complaint, his head still buried, although his neck was now craned at an angle that made Bones wince.

“Look at me”, he said. “Jim, stop hiding and look at me”. He pulled Jim’s hair until Jim looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and a bit sheepish, and still so, so fucking sad. “I’m here, I’m safe, and I’m never leaving you. Whatever we do, we do it together, okay? I’m going to give you such a life that you forget you were ever unhappy”.

Jim looked startled and then there was a ghost of a smile. “Big words, McCoy”, he said quietly.

“Big meaning”, Bones responded. “Marry me”.

Jim blinked, and then picked up one of Bones’ hands and kissed it. 

“Okay”, he said.

__

“I met someone”, Jim said quietly, deep in the night. He was soft and pliant against Bones, sated and comfortable.

“You tell me that now?” Bones dug his nails into Jim’s back and scratched gently. “Bit rude”.

“Well, wanted to give you something to remember me by, you know how generous I am”. Jim squirmed closer. “No, she’s some weird lady who picked me up - literally. I had kind of been thrown out of a bar…”

“On anybody else I would think this the start of a joke”, Bones groaned. “With you, I just assume it’s a normal night”.

“You’re so kind. No, she was - nice. She talked to me and looked after me. Fed me green stuff and raw stuff…”

“I like her”.

“You would. She just took me in, like she knew I was harmless even though I looked like a - reprobate”.

“She could see what you’re really like, is that what you’re saying?”

“I think she is just a very kind-hearted lady, and she picked me up because she saw someone who needed help”.

“I’m glad”, Bones said. “I’m glad you had someone who helped. While we’ve been up here limping along, unable to contact anyone, I thought about you all the time. I knew you’d blame yourself, and I was - Jim, I was scared. I was so scared that you would do something to yourself before I could get to you”. He paused, swallowing. “And you so nearly did”.

Jim pressed close. “Let’s not talk about it anymore”, he said. “Let’s talk about what’s to come. You’ve promised me a happy life. What are you going to do for me?”

“Well, you’ve got me”, Bones said. “What more do you need?”

“So much. So, so much more”. Jim laughed and then yelped as Bones stuck his nails in. It had worked, and until the day began, they talked about their future, spinning more and more ridiculous tales of their future life together. Jim only needed Bones, and Bones knew that, but why let that ruin a good thing? Comfortable, warm and utterly happy, Jim would have stayed there forever, lying in Bones’ arms. That would have been enough.

\--

He stood outside the neat door in the neat garden, his fingers wrapped tightly in Bones’ hand. The sun was shining, the stars were hidden, and Jim’s world felt right again. He smiled at Bones, who smiled back and nodded.

Jim raised his free hand and knocked on the door, and when it was opened, he smiled at the woman who stood there in a loose summer dress, earth on her cheek where she had clearly drawn her hand across her face.

“Jim!” She looked delighted. “I was getting worried about you”.

Jim pulled Bones close and looked at him and then back to her with eyes that were no longer sad.

“Annie. I want you to meet someone”.

The End


End file.
